3 Ways to Use Workplace Conflict to Your Advantage

You may have laughed at the title of this blog and that is okay. I can (almost) assure you that by the time you read the last sentence of this blog you will believe it. Conflict does not have to be a dramatic, bond-tearing, detrimental part of business. To be fair, I understand why you may think otherwise. We have all had our fair share over the years of watching Tabitha’s Salon Takeover, Restaurant: Impossible, Kitchen Nightmares, Bar Rescue, and 24 Hours to Hell, etc. The list truly does go on.

A consultant comes into a business and usually gets into a screaming match with the owner and staff over something like their lack of initiative or ambition. Meanwhile we have usually watched 20 minutes of their employees smoking over a grill or using old towels to dry someone’s hair, all the while screaming and yelling at each other.

Honestly, I am truly convinced they use the following Yell Cycle to really drive home the drama.

I say all of that, to let you know that conflict gets views but it is also misconstrued! A conflict is being incompatible or at variance. Conflict simply means people are thinking about something differently. This is a good thing! Variance and incompatibility in thinking can create positive solutions that encompass a lot of perspectives.

Let’s go over three ways you can use conflict to your advantage.

1. Find the truth

Do you really know what you disagree on? Sometimes, conflict is caused because of miscommunication. Talk explicitly about defining the conflict.

Joe and Chris walk into a room thinking that they are having a conflict surrounding the implementation of a new customer loyalty program. Through defining the conflict (asking exploratory questions) they find out that they agree on a lot and actually only disagree on the personnel who should be involved in collecting and reporting data on the program after rollout. They throw the conflict back to the team and make a quick decision.

What is an exploratory question?

What are your thoughts?

Who else does this impact?

How is this impacting you? How is this impacting me? Impacting your team/ organization?

If we did it this way, what do you think would happen?

Is this (insert idea that is ‘problematic’ for them) the only thing holding you back from saying yes?

How do you define (a phrase or term they used to clarify)?

What part of this do you not like and why?

How did you come to that conclusion?

I want to get this right; how would you feel if we went forward with (insert idea)?

What is your preferred outcome?

What happened next? (when finding out about previous conversations and actions)

What could change to make this better?

What can I/we do to make this problem less stressful for you?

Does this conflict make working here difficult?

Hot Tip: Highlight the things you DO agree on during conflict. After you’ve confirmed the basic information of the conflict, you can use simple open phrases and questions:

“Great, so we all agree on the outcome. It seems we have different ideas of how to get there. How would everyone feel if we put together a quick one-page report on which approach we think is best and reconvene this afternoon?”

“We don’t seem to all agree on the consequences for bad employee behavior suggested by HR. Do we all agree that there needs to be a new formal system put into place? I can write down everyone’s thoughts on what they think would work better and we can go over them one by one to see the pros and cons.”

2. Natural checks and balances

Some ideas are wrong. They can be ethically wrong, strategically wrong, or plain wrong (based on objective facts, of course). Sometimes a conflict can highlight the “wrong” of an idea or concept. This is the best type of conflict. The person who says “Hey, I don’t think this abides by our mission/values and it would certainly put us out of compliance” is the type of person you want on your team! Encourage variance to ideas with exploratory questions and direct questions about a problem or solution.

Check and Balance Questions

Have we truly identified the problem? Or are we trying to solve the symptoms?

Does this solution work for everyone?

Does the process make sense?

Where do you all anticipate pushback?

Who is responsible for what?

Does this fit our scope?

Does this fit our mission(s) and values?

Are we asking too much/too little?

Hot Tip: It is okay for some people to never agree. The resolve of conflict is not that everyone must be happy and in agreeance. The resolve is that all conflicting parties have had a chance to openly communicate their perspective and viewpoints while being respectful and respected.

3. Balance Teams

Avoid a team of “yes men”. You need to be on a team or build a team that has varying perspectives. Diversity in thought can save you and your company a lot of headache and heartache. Think of conflict as the perfect way to find the best solution. If you are on a team that always agrees, YOU can be the “agitator” (in a good way, I promise). Start “rocking the boat” and make it known you want to make sure that everyone is agreeing because every aspect has been thought about and it fits as well as it can within the solution. Conflict within teams can force people to be honest with themselves and others.

For instance, Jemma (at some point when in a team setting) tells her team that she thinks logically/rationally. She rarely considers how something may make people feel because she likes to be fact based. That is a perspective that she needs supported by the team. If everyone can openly talk about the way they think and what they need supported by the team, conflict will still arise but will be a smoother process to resolve.

Hot Tip: Do not shut down agitators. Ask agitators what their best outcome looks like and how they would get there. Then, explore how and who it impacts.

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